i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
