My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
