it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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