I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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