Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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