You really coming over, don't trick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
