i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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