I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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