you guys were way drunker than both of me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
