I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize