Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
