I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
