Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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