I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
whose parrot is this?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
