fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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