he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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