Do you still have your period?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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