I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
