you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
