I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
