I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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