yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
