woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
