dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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