The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
