We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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