Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
