So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
