wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
