My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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