i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
