Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
