This gyro tastes like lonliness
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
