The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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