come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
