I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
