I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
