Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
