How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
