You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
