He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
