I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
