im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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