she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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