The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
