I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
