I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Im part way to drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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