i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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