you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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