oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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