I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
