Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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