Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
