Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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