Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
