if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
