Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When are your genitals available?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize