But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
