I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
