forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
