Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
