we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
