He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
