Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
