It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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