Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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