I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
