saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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