Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
