he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
