Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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