im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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