I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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