is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
