I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
