Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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