my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
