Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
