So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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