I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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