Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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